I've always loved being the oldest. I didn't always love the responsibility, but it had some solid perks. I got to sit in the front seat of the car more than any of my siblings, I was able to drive everyone around first, and I got to get out of the house more often than any of my siblings did. It felt powerful sometimes to walk out the door as a teenager while my four younger siblings had to stay behind.
It's strange though, being the oldest. It also comes with more expectations, more rules (in my case at least), and a strange kind of disconnect from my siblings. I was a quasi-authority figure over them a lot of the time, and I took that responsibility too seriously more often than not. I wielded my age over them more than once and it took time to outgrow and shed those ideas I had about my position in comparison with my siblings.
The other thing is seeing the way my siblings were raised differently than I was. Not that my parents purposefully tried to treat me differently, but as many parents do, they eased up on many of the rules that were so strict when I was young.
It takes a long time to realize that you're wrong about some things. I thought for a long time that being older made me better than my siblings. I know better now, but I wonder how different our childhoods would have been if I understood, even when I was in charge, that everyone of us were equally important, valued, and loved. I thought that being the oldest meant I was more special than anyone else. I am special, but not any more than you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize it.
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