the new me

You know, I've spent about the last week doing some inadvertent soul searching. You know, when some random topic starts gnawing at the back of your mind and before you know it your personal journal is full of a few self-discoveries you had no idea were coming.

If you've known me for a while (pretty much if you met me in 2007 or earlier) then you probably know that I used to be a very musical, very angry person. The music still holds, but not in the way it used to. I'm finally understanding that all the musical outlets I had were there because I needed them. Don't get me wrong, I still love to sing and even belt when I'm in the car by myself, and maybe go to the occasional karaoke night over at Wing Nutz, but I don't need to do those things anymore.

(Side note, did you know that the html tag for bolding is no longer just b? It's strong. It's kind of a pain to type out.)

A little less than a week ago I was pondering over my favorite song by Radiohead, (which is coincidentally the same for many, I know that already), Creep. Casey doesn't like that song at all, he thinks it's their worst, but that's an argument for another day. Anyway, the point I want to make is that the reason I found the song so comforting and musical to me (and still do) was the lyrics. The song isn't just about confusion, it's about feeling out of place and different. That song reminds me all the time that I am not the only person on earth who feels out of place, and that makes me feel like maybe I'm not out of place. I'm really just like everyone else, trying to find the best spot to fit in.

Now, anyone who has spent time with me from about the tail end of 2007 until now (particularly during the last 7 months since I married Casey) knows that I am not the person I used to be. I don't feel all that out of place or lost in the world (most of the time) and while I still enjoy a good powerful outlet type lyric (I want to break free!), it's less of an escape and more of a good retrospective on how much I've changed.

Even though I'm making a face, I'm happy, I promise. :)

I could enumerate the different things that have changed me between October 10, 2007 and today, but for now let it suffice that I love the way it's all working out for me. Not to say that it's perfect, because nothing is, but sometimes I feel a lot closer to a perfect life than I ever did.