07 September 2016

Day 7: Finish

More of the Ann Dee Ellis 8-Minute Memoirs.

Somehow I've managed to be both an unfinisher and a completionist. I like finishing things. It makes me feel like I've done something anytime I finish it. This means I often spend a few extra minutes in my car in the morning so I can get to the end of the podcast, song, or whatever I was listening to as I parked.

Somehow it seems like if I finish a thing, I'll complete a piece of myself and add it on.

Of course, my life feels like a constant struggle between the need to complete things and the struggle to pick things up that demand to be finished. At home I have two unfinished bonnets. My Netflix account has a few unfinished movies and TV shows waiting for me. Sitting next to me on my desk as I type are an unfinished Sudoku and an unfinished crossword puzzle. My grades are unfinished, a full list waiting to be entered into my computer. I also have an unfinished water bottle and I'm looking at this unfinished post, knowing I can only do one of these things at a time.

I'm always trying to balance the urge to finish one thing with the urge to finish everything else. I let myself get overwhelmed sometimes, letting the guilt of unfinished business wash over me and the urge that takes over is the one that makes me wish I could shrink out of sight.

Of course, even if I was tiny, I'd still know I had things to do. There is so little escape from the things I have to do.

But at the same time, I don't mind it so much. I like knowing things are always waiting for me. There's always something new to pick up and finish, and I'll get that rush of completion for a few minutes before I remember the next thing I've left unfinished.

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