To the Baby I Didn't Have

Baby
I love you
and I wonder

I never held you
but I carried you
I never kissed you
but I wanted to

I wonder what you smelled like
What you looked like

Would you have called me mom or mama?
Would I have laid you next to me or in your own bed?
Would you like it when I caressed your head as you slept?

I can picture it
Me, exhausted, beaming
Him, overwhelmed, holding you
Family and friends doting on you even as you grew too old for it

Would you have trusted us?
Would you turn to us when you needed help?
Would I be smart and patient enough to give it?

I hope you hear me
when I whisper out to you
"Baby
I love you"

I hope I meet you
on the other side
Will you wait for me?

I'm sorry you couldn't stay here
I would have loved you so, so much
More than you or I can know